Prepare yourselves: you’re about to watch what could be the STUPIDEST post-American Idol performance in the show’s history.

David Archuleta awkwardly strolls into a flower shop and tells some woman he’s “just probably gonna pick out some flowers for someone!” After a macro shot of some unidentified flower (do I look like a florist?), David re-appears wearing a headset he apparently pulled out of his ass. He then walks around the store singing “CRUSH” as he’s grabbing at flowers and making a classy, high-end arrangement of pink roses and Gerbera daisies. It was so lame and hokey, I was half-expecting the babies’ breath to come to life and join him for the chorus. Did his lame show-dad force him into this at gunpoint?

He doesn’t even pay for the flowers at the end of the video, either. What a sad day for florists everywhere.

Sometimes, when there are no words to describe the hideousness of something, only a photo will do:

According to the blog Real Estalker:

Season 3 American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino is about to get booted from one of her Charlotte, NC homes. According to recent reports and county records, Miss Barrino’s 6,232 square foot house has been foreclosed on and unless she can make good with a pile of cash will be auctioned to the highest bidder on January 12, 2009. Property records show Miz Barrino purchased the 6 bedroom and 5.5 bathroom pond-front mansion on Bevington Place in March of 2007 for $1,300,000. However, the children can rest easier knowing that it does not appear that Miz Barrino will go homeless as records show that she also owns a second house on nearby Seton House Lane that she purchased in July of 2004 for $740,000.

Now let this be a lesson to all of you:

Check out a new 5 minute video of David Cook whispering in an interview with ET’s Kevin Frazier. David has on more eyeliner than Cher, and is showing as much enthusiasm as a corpse.

The video opens with a few laughable moments of him butchering his song “Leave a Light On.” Thanks, but I prefer being in the dark if Cook is involved.

Question: How do you piss off a room full of 10 year olds wearing David Archuleta t-shirts?

Answer:

NEW RULE:
No more Guitar Hero “Risky Business” parody commercials, with D-list celebrities playing air guitar to “Old Time Rock ‘N Roll” in their underwear. It’s not working. Seeing David Cook in a pair of tightie whitie’s isn’t making me want to play Guitar Hero… it’s making me want to buy him a penis pump.

(from Pophangover’s hysterical collection of pop culture New Rules – check it out!)

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