MATT GIRAUD Voted Off American Idol (4/29/09)

Moley Matt was voted off American Idol on tonight’s episode. Again. It was inevitable. All of us here at We Hate Idol hope he enjoys his next 2 years playing carnivals, seedy bars, and church functions. Buh-bye.

Adam was in the bottom 2 with him, so at least America got that much right.

We’ll see you next week!

 

A Message To The Commenters

Hey everybody –

We understand you all have your favorite – and least favorite – Idol contestants (we do too). The debates in the comments section are getting heated, and that is fine… but we will not tolerate or condone HATEFUL SPEECH on this website. I have a zero percent tolerance for gay bashing, and all racist/anti-gay comments will be moderated and deleted.

Speak your case for or against your favorites, but do it intelligently and have a sense of humor about it. Idol is the biggest joke on television – so lighten up.

Enjoy yourselves,

-WEHATEIDOL STAFF

Stupid Adam Lambert Items For Sale On Ebay

I just posted this over at Pophangover, but figured I should post it over here as well. Anyone who knows me knows I loathe Adam Lambert with the fire of 10,000 suns. That can only mean one thing: he’s definitely going to be this year’s American Idol winner (I hated David Cook equally as passionately last year, and look what happened). Therefore, it is with an incredibly high level of nausea that I present to you this list of ridiculous Adam Lambert items currently for sale on eBay:

 x1One question: does it come with a grease stain from Adam Lambert’s head?

x2Nothing says “nighty night” like the sight of Adam Lambert’s crotch glowing on your wall.

x3How about this gorgeous Adam Lambert mousepad? Look how nicely his eyeliner brings out the pink lettering.

x4I guarantee you’ll never get robbed while carrying this Adam Lambert purse, since it screams “I HAVE NO CLASS AND OWN NOTHING WORTH STEALING.”

x5Low-end pizza plates, emblazoned with Lambert’s face and fashioned into earrings. I’ll take two!

Simon Didn’t Give Adam Lambert A Standing Ovation Because His Performance Was Good

Attention internet, idiotic bloggers, and moronic magazine editors:

Stop acting like Simon Cowell gave Adam Lambert a standing ovation last night because his performance was good. IT’S NOT LIKE THAT, AND THAT’S NOT WHY IT HAPPENED.

The show ran 10 minutes long, and many people had DVR’s that cut off Adam Lambert’s performance. Many others flipped the channel to another show. And as much as I hate Lambert, I have to say this was a huge error on the producer’s part and it could be construed as being unfair to Lambert.

Bottom line: Simon gave Adam a standing ovation because he HAD TO. He had to do something to counteract the fact that so many people could have potentially missed Adam’s performance, and to shut up the people who would be screaming that Adam “lost votes” because of the mishap.

As always, Adam Lambert Sucks. With or without a faux-genuine standing ovation.

Love,

WE HATE IDOL

SCOTT MACINTYRE Voted Off American Idol (Finally)

Anoop and Scott were the bottom two performers tonight, but ultimately Scott Macintyre was the one sent home. No surprise there. He sucked last night, and frankly, I have no idea how he even made it as far as he did in the competition. Bye, Scott. I won’t miss you one bit.

What else did we learn tonight? Flo-Rida sweats like a pig, Kellie Pickler still can’t sing live, and Adam Lambert looks perfectly at home with half of his face covered in glitter and plastic.

We’ll see you next week for more WEHATEIDOL.

ALEXIS GRACE Kicked Off American Idol

Michael Sarver and Alexis Grace were the bottom two, but Alexis was voted off American Idol on tonight’s episode.

Earlier in the episode, Randy Jackson couldn’t remember Alexis’ name and referred to her as “ALLISON.” Yeah. If a judge can’t even remember your name at this stage in the game, you’re pretty much screwed.

Have fun playing with your daughter and singing Jolene in the shower. Bye bye.

 

A Friendly Reminder: Adam Lambert Sucks (Straight Or Gay)

Let me spell it out for you: Adam Lambert is a douche, regardless of his sexual orientation. And furthermore, DISLIKING ADAM LAMBERT DOES NOT MAKE YOU HOMOPHOBIC. It only means you HAVE WORKING EARS.

A few more points to drive it home: Adam Lambert? SUCKS! Elton John? DOESN’T SUCK. Adam Lambert? SUCKS! Melissa Etheridge? DOESN’T SUCK. Are we clear?

So do the world a favor and come up with a more valid point before you put your unoriginal little finger on the mouse and click the “send comment” button.

Thanks,

MGMT

American Idol Season 8: Grand Ole Opry Recap (3/17/09)

When it comes to American Idol, few words are as cringe inducing as “Grand Ole Opry Night.” This year was no exception. Who was the best? Who was the worst? I’m Jillian Madison…  let’s do this.

TOP 11: Grand Ole Opry Night with Randy Travis (3/17/09)

Michael Sarver kicked off the show, with his awful, twangy version of Garth Brooks’ “Ain’t Goin Down Til The Sun Comes Up.” He stumbled out on stage and awkwardly started high-fiving people in the audience (and let’s face it, high fiving is lame enough as it is without throwing Garth Brooks into the mix). He remembered the words to the song, but so what? The random guy playing harmonica on the side of the stage stole the performance. Sorry, Michael, total FAIL. Rating: 4/10.

Allison Irahetta was next, with her rendition of “Blame It On Your Heart” by Patty Loveless. Allison gives the same performance every week, and I’m so tired of her already. That, and she’s just downright creepy. She’s 16, but sounds like a 60 year old, 3 pack a day smoker pouring quarters into a slot machine at a casino. Scary. Can’t stand her. Rating: 5/10.

Kris Allen sang “To Make You Feel My Love” by – shocking – Garth Brooks. I’ll just say this: if I wanted to watch someone sitting in a chair making painful squinty faces for 3 minutes, I’d open the bathroom door while my uncle was trying to go “number two.” His performance was somber and boring and I felt like I was watching FUNERAL IDOL.  Rating: 5/10.

Lil Rounds sang “Independence Day” by Martina McBride. Zzzzzz. Forced, fake, and boring. Lil can sing, but you’d never know it by tonight’s performance. And unfortunately, her wardrobe was disgusting, too. Was she for real with that hideous 90s prom dress? And that costume jewelry! Is she trying to look like a retired Jewish grandmother in Boca? She looked like she was wearing pieces of a chandelier from a Titanic replica. Rating: 4/10.

Worst performance of the night: ADAM LAMBERT’s pitiful, overdone, Indian sitar rendition of “Ring Of Fire” by Johnny Cash. Now, before you start trying to tell me it was unique and original, no asshole, it was not. Supernova’s Dilana did an almost identical version 2 years ago, with sitar and all. Busted, Adam. Sorry, but I have a memory, and I never forget a performance.

Anyway. Halfway through his self indulgent, stolen performance, he started lifting up his shirt and stroking his stomach like a rejected car model in a Whitesnake video. I’m not a prude, but come on. This is a family show, douchebag. I honestly don’t know why this guy is so in love with himself, but he needs to join the rest of us back on planet Earth. He’s nothing special at all. Can’t someone just hire him for a Broadway production of Rent so I don’t have to deal with his bullshit every week? Rating: 1/10 – AS BAD AS IT GETS.

Scott Macintyre sang “Wild Horses” by Martina McBride. Of course he did. And he played his little piano. Of course he did. Look, people, the guy is mediocre and whiny and has no business being on this show. He belongs playing keyboard and singing back-up at his church’s production of Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat. Even Paula Frickin’ Abdul told him to give it a rest with the piano bullshit. What does that tell you? Rating: 3/10.

Alexis Grace completely BUTCHERED one of the most classic songs of all time, “Jolene” by Dolly Parton. AND, the tacky bitch used the stairs as a prop in her performance. The judges hated it, but the camera man sure did love her fat friend in the audience. She got more camera time than Alexis did! Rating: 2/10.

Danny Gokey is a HUGE TOOL. He made a fool of himself in front of Randy Travis, and then came out on stage wearing a STRAIGHT JACKET. It was his worst performance by far, but the judges still kissed his ass as usual. Just groom, groom, grooming him for the finals (the entire show is rigged). Could the judges make bigger fools of themselves over-praising this dweeb? Rating: 2/10.

Did you guys get the memo? Annoying Megan Joy Corkrey dropped her last name, and is now just MEGAN JOY. She did not, however, drop her idiotic dance moves. She sang “Walking After Midnight” by Patsy Cline and pee-pee danced her way through the entire performance as usual. And what about that dress she was wearing? EW. Her boobs looked like droopy coconuts. Rating: 5/10.

And did anybody else notice Megan was wearing the EXACT SAME EARRINGS AS PAULA ABDUL??? They were identical.

Anoop sang “Always On My Mind” by Willie Nelson. It was his best performance so far. Rating: 7/10. And finally, Matt Giraud sang “So Small” by Carrie Underwood, and it was more of the same from him. Piano, facial gymnastics, blah blah blah. Rating: 5/10.

So there you have it. Leave your thoughts on the episode in the comments, and we’ll bring you the results as soon as they go down.

 

JASMINE MURRAY and JORGE NUNEZ voted off American Idol

Jasmine Murray and Jorge Nunez were voted off American Idol tonight (3/11/09). Jasmine: pretty, but forgettable. Jorge: nice guys finish LAST. Bye bye.

There is a slight twist to the voting this year. There is now a lame JUDGES SAVE – which they can use to once during the competition to save one contestant from elimination. No one will be sent home the week they use the veto. Instead, two people will go home the next week. So much for this being a competition decided by the public. Blow me, American Idol.

EXCLUSIVE: 1-866-IDOLS-13 IS A PORN HOTLINE – OOPS!

This year, American Idol has a top 13 instead of a top 12… and there’s one tiny problem:

THE MORONIC PRODUCERS FORGOT TO SECURE THE 1-866-IDOLS-13 PHONE NUMBER FOR VOTING PURPOSES.

If you dial 1-866-Idols-13, as of right now, 7 hours before showtime, you get a very NSFW sultry message from a porn hotline. Absolutely hysterical.

Pophangover Exclusive: click here to listen to the audio of the message currently being played on 1-866-IDOLS-13.