On tonight’s episode of American Idol, the remaining 100+ contestants separated into groups. It was just like high school gym class – the losers were picked last, or weren’t picked at all, and just shuffled around the stage uncomfortably until some other losers took pity on them and invited them into their group. The entire episode basically focused on three people – Nathaniel (the gay kid with the pierced chin), Tatiana (the annoying girl with the shaggy brown hair and awful giggle), and ugly Katrina the bikini girl. There was lots of crying, lots of whining, and lots of BORING… so let’s get on with the review.
EPISODE RECAP: HOLLYWOOD, GROUP NIGHT (2/4/09)
Nathaniel Marshall is one of the most annoying, whiny, overly dramatic contestants in Idol history. He looks like a rejected WHAM! back-up singer.
Some eliminated dweeb named Ryan Pinkerton said he got kicked off because there was “evil in Paula’s eyes.” That’s not evil, buddy. It’s 1200 milligrams of Prozac.
Katrina, the ugly bitch who shares her name with one of the worst hurricanes in our nation’s history, ditched her group to go to sleep. Why? She was “tired after wearing heels all day.” More like “tired from sucking dicks all day.” However, we’re happy to report KATRINA WAS KICKED OFF THE SHOW TONIGHT. Good riddance. You’re not all that. Your nose is busted and your smile is gummy. Have a nice life.
TEAM LAMDA LAMDA LAMDA… the team of geeks and losers led by nasty Tatiana… actually made it through. Tatiana asked Jesus for strength tomorrow. Perhaps she should also ask him for a new set of teeth, because hers are literally more brown than a 3 week old rotting banana for sale at Trader Joe’s.
The last group of the night was TEAM COMPROMISE (wow, what a cool name guys). Whiny Nathaniel made it through to the next round, even though he sounded more like he was auditioning for The Birdcage: The Musical. The blonde girl made it through, but I don’t know her name because she was a boring bitch. The other girl was out because her voice kept cracking like Madonna’s face when she smiles.
And that brought this episode to an end. Bottom line: most of the ugly people were eliminated, because that’s how Simon Cowell and American Idol roll. Sad but true. Stay tuned next week, when we’ll be in for more of the same. The top 36 will be announced, which is no big deal because that’s still too many people to give a shit about.
Leave your thoughts in the comments, and we’ll see you next week.