It’s STILL Hollywood Week on American Idol. And after tonight, I NEVER want to hear “Hey There Delilah” or “I Hope You Dance” EVER again.
EPISODE RECAP: HOLLYWOOD, DAY 4 (2/10/09)
Adam Lambert sang a disgustingly hideous cruise ship version of Cher’s “Do You Believe.” I’ll tell you what I believe, Adam: I believe you need some of Cher’s make-up, and a singing job off-off-off Broadway. This loser, Danny Gokey, is so in love with his “friend” Jamar Rogers that he watched him performing from behind a curtain. He had a huge shit-eating grin plastered across his face the entire time. One of his hands was on the curtain, and let’s just say I bet I know what his other hand was on. He then came on stage and sang “I Hope You Dance” like the 17 year old girl that he is. He made it through to the next round.
Ah yes, Scott Macintyre, the BLIND GUY WHO KEPT LOOKING DOWN TO STARE AT HIS KEYBOARD KEYS. What the hell was up with that? Is this guy even blind? One thing’s for sure, he is MEDIOCRE. If he wasn’t “blind” there’s no way he would still be around. He made it through to the next round. And then pretended he didn’t see Paula Abdul’s standing ovation. But he saw the keyboard keys. Um, sure.
Tatiana. Would you look at this bitch’s pointy teeth? Why is this stupid bitch still here? Shouldn’t she be out biting necks and converting mortals to vampires? Yes, she made it through to the next round. And I wanted to kill myself.
Nathanial looks like a lesbian. Actually, wait, that’s an insult to lesbians. This talentless douche actually made it through to the next round, and a small part of me died inside.
Joanna Pacitti, the annoying ex-Annie actress, forgot the lyrics to “If I Ain’t Got You” by Alicia Keys. She sang, “hum doo wahhh mmmm na naahh” for 2 minutes. And guess what? The bitch made it through to the next round, too. Are we being punked?
I don’t know what this loser’s name is, but I can tell you he COMPLETELY forgot the words to his song. So he started over. And then he forgot the words to his song AGAIN. And guess what! He fucking MADE IT THROGH to the next round. What will it take for someone to be sent home? Urinating on the stage? Pulling out a gun and shooting the lighting guy?
These three look like a rejected rap act on Star Search. Paula Abdul looked like she was wearing the remains of her old Chrysler LeBaron around her neck.
All the annoying people made it through. All the people who blatantly forgot their lyrics made it through… even though Simon made it a point to say “FORGET THE LYRICS AND YOU’RE OUT” before Hollywood Week even started. What a crock of shit. They eliminated all the people that never got air time. At least Jason Castro’s brother got sent home tonight.
Leave your thoughts on the episode in the comments, and we’ll see you tomorrow night when the top 36 are revealed.