Episode Recaps, Season 9 »
American Idol Season 9: Top 11 Live Blog (3/23/10)
Published on: March 23, 2010 – 6:46 pm by Jillian Madison 
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WELCOME TO THE WE HATE IDOL LIVE BLOG! I’m Jillian Madison. Tonight, the top 11 contestants will be performing, and MILEY CYRUS is going to be the mentor. And if this doesn’t merit a Seth Myers “REALLY?!” segment, I don’t know what does.
Miley is, what, 17 years old? What’s she an authority on, besides awkward father/daughter relationships and making a lot of money by dressing skanky? Is she going to school them on how to stay on pitch while hanging upside down on a stripper pole and chewing gum? Only time will tell.
This week, the contestants are singing songs that made it to the #1 spot on the Billboard charts. And Ryan Seacrest will be staring at Miley’s boobs along the way.
Lee DeWyze is singing “The Letter” by The Boxtops. Or at least I think it’s Lee Dewyze. It looks and sounds more like Taylor Hicks after applying bottle of L’oreal hair dye. The dance moves… the cheesy vocal runs… the dazzle suit… the guy has “cruise ship performer” written all over him. He actually had a HORN SECTION behind him, which is never a good sign. Ellen Degeneres even compared him to an old pen. Need I say more?
Paige Miles is up next, singing “Against All Odds” by Phil Collins. I’d like to take this opportunity to ask just what the fuck Miley Cyrus is wearing? It looks like she wrapped one of Madonna’s old lace gloves from 1982 around her torso.
In other news, Paige’s performance was *HORRIBLE.* It was one of the worst vocals I’ve ever heard on this show – ever. Randy called it “honestly terrible.” That’s putting it mildly. It was ear-bleedingly awful. You know what will really happen “against all odds?” Paige showing up next week to sing.
Tim Urban is up next, singing “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” Jesus. It’s cringeworthy. He’s running around stage with a cheesy grin on his face, pointing at people in the crowd like he’s Elvis Presley. Randy hated it, Simon almost threw up, and Ellen had nothing nice to say other than “YOU HAVE HUGE FANS.” I’ll bet he does, Ellen. And they’re 11 years old, too.
16 year old Aaron Kelly is up next. Apparently, he’s obsessed with Miley Cyrus (who sounds like she’s a 5-pack a day smoker, by the way.) Aaron’s singing “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” by Aerosmith. And just when I thought I couldn’t hate this song any more, Aaron proved me wrong. He’s sick tonight, blah blah blah, like anyone cares. The judges were underwhelmed, and so was I.
Crystal Bowersox is up next, and she just lost any cool points she might have previously earned by asking MILEY CYRUS to sign her guitar.
Thanks to the magic of slow-motion, we were able to catch what Miley wrote on her guitar:
Crystal sang “Me and Bobby McGee”, and the judges all had orgasms over her performance. Unfortunately, she still makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little. Bowersox. It doesn’t sound cool. It sounds like a low-budget baseball team.
Miley is so full of herself. Michael came out and hugged her and she said, “Oh, you’re my favorite already. Everyone else is afraid to touch me.” Yeah. Probably because they don’t want the clap.
Michael Lynche is singing “When A Man Loves A Woman.” You know, just because the show wasn’t cheesy enough. Why did someone have to go and channel Michael Bolton?
Michael sounds much better than he did last week, but he’s still not as good as he thinks he is. Ellen said it was a “safe choice” and Kara said it was “boring and loungy.” Simon was too busy grooming his chest hair to comment.
Andrew Garcia forgot the lyrics to “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” while singing in front of Miley Cyrus, so she made him put his guitar down. Total mistake. Now he has no idea what to do with his hands. He’s swinging them around like he’s swatting bees. And dear God, he just did some awkward dance move that made me cringe. I can’t stand this guy, and this is just another awful performance on a truly awful night of Idol. Know what I heard through the grapevine? That Andrew is going to be in the bottom 3 tomorrow night. The judges hated it, and Simon is 100% right: Andrew is overrated. And I don’t care what anyone says: he fucking looks like Kim Jung Ill of North Korea.
Katie Stevens, this season’s resident 82 year old church singer, is singing “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie. This is pure karaoke, and I’m bored to tears. She can’t sing, and she sounds like she should be starring in a Nasonex commercial. Maybe big girls don’t cry, but I wanted to after enduring that performance.
Casey James is singing “Power Of Love” by Huey Louis. His vocals are decent, but he’s not bringing any energy to the song at all. He gets major points for dissing Miley Cyrus when he met her, though. He said, “I’m a big fan…… of your DAD’S.” Ooh, burn.
You know what I just realized? Casey James totally has Meg Ryan hair. It’s true.
Didi Benami is up next, singing “You’re No Good.” She was completely average, and the performance was a bit dull, but it wasn’t as bad as the judges made it out to be. I will say, however, that I officially want the term “pitchy all over the place” to be banned from American Idol FOREVER. Thank you.
Finally! Siobhan Magnus is last, singing “Superstitious” by Stevie Wonder. Of course the Idol producers put her on last, because they want her to get more votes and stick around. Anyway, she’s actually doing a decent job, even though she irritates the shit out of me. I think she’s totally fake, and the screachy notes she whips out at the end are UNBEARABLE.
So there you have it! Another awful week of Idol has come to an end. The 3 best performances this week were Michael Lynch, Crystal Bowersox, and Siobhan Magnus.The 3 worst performances this week were Paige Miles, Tim Urban, Andrew Garcia. Katie Stevens sucked too.
Stay tuned tomorrow night – we’ll bring you the results as soon as they go down.
I’m sure Miley Horseface is the “mentor” this week. I’m going to have to hit the mute button more than I usually do. Here is the song line up for tonight:
Lee DeWyze – The Letter
Tim Urban – Crazy Little Thing Called Love
Paige Miles – Agaist All Odds
Aaron Kelly – I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing
Crystal Bowersox – Me and Bobby McGee
Michael Lynche – When a Man Loves a Woman
Andrew Garcia – I Heard it Through the Grapevone
Katie Stevens – Big Girls Don’t Cry
Didi Benami – You’re No Good
Casey James – Power of Love
Siobhan magnus – Superstition
Having Miley Cyrus as a mentor is the worst decision this show has made in years.
Let the fuckery begin.
Vomit, I think I’m going to vomit, Vomit.
I believe I am also.
Is Miley Cyrus wearing pants? I don’t think she’s wearing pants!
ummm probably not cause shes wearing a long shirt dumb asss!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lay off the Newports, Miley.
I pegged her for a Camels no filter little skank.
She probably just bums any kind she can off anyone outside her dad’s favorite liquor stores.
Lee doesn’t have a neck.
I think some of my favorite crazy senior citizen drunks sing this song at karaoke night.
LOL, Jillian @ Ryan laser beaming Miley’s chestal area :) WTF is Ellen talking about?
Lee Dewyze is the not-as-rotund Jonah Hill.
Yeah. Lee DeWyze is a pen. An old fashioned, awful pen that clots and ruins your favorite shirt with its nasty stain.
Whatever is around Lee Dewyze’s neck just blinded me.
LMAO. Me too. I think it was a metallic guitar pick. Corny.
I thought it looked like a bird skull.
Oh. There’s Kris Allen doing a commercial for a Ford. It’s nice to know he can afford to lease a Ford Fusion after his big win last year, isn’t it?
Does anyone know who Stains the cupcake dog is? That’s who Paige reminds me of. Stains the dog.
I think it will be against all odds that Paige will be voted into the top 10.
god i am running late….this chick sucks
Paige is tripping out of the gate already. That probably made Phil Collins keel over.
Well, she just got thrown under the bus. Buh-bye.
LMAO at the lace glove hand. I used to buy mine out of the glass counter at the roller rink.
I’m going to wish I had listened to “party in the usa” for two hours straight instead of this when it’s over.
LOL. What in the hell are you drinking? Pabst?
In my wildest dreams. I’m going to add “pick up booze” to my tuesday to do list no matter what from now on.
Paige Miles better pack her bags. Against All Odds is hard enough to listen to as it is, but she made me wish I was deaf.
Normally ‘Against All Odds’ makes me wanna cry….but now I just wanna bang my head against a wall. Yikes.
EVERYBODY VOTE FOR TIM!!!
they are all wretched this evening…like WORSE than norm
I can’t believe this is the best group they could come up with.
Teen Wolf is at it again!
Since when is MILEY CYRUS a mentor.
wtf was that move
OMG, listen to the girls squeeing. Comedy GOLD!!
teen wolf is sooo right! just missing some shakes…errr i mean the basketball
I hear Justin Bieber is the mentor next week.
Uggg slitting my wrist
I call the knife second.
ellen didnt get it?
thats all she has?
I bet he got a li’l boner from that hug. Isn’t that sweet?
annnnd he is singing one of my most hated songs of all time.
He totally got a BONES from that hug.
I guess he didn’t suck as bad as the rest of them, and that’s not saying much.
when he said he auditioned to a miley cyrus song… THAT is NOT something to be proud of.
Lemme paraphrase Simon on behalf of Simon for Aaron. Terrible. Awful. Bollocks.
Wouldn’t that be something if he DID get voted off tomorrow?
I sing this song better than she does.
I prefer the Kenny Rogers version.
LOL, did he really sing that? Ol’ snake faced Kenny. KENNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYY!!
hellz yeah girl!
Remember the Seinfeld episode where Kramer was addicted to the Kenny Rogers roasters? KENNNNNNNNNYYYYYY.
hahah heck yeah. RIP KR Roasters.
bobby mcGee
In order for Crystal to pull this Janis Joplin song off, she’s gonna have to do some heroin, drink a few fifths of Jack, and smoke a few doobies. Fail.
Wow, I think she’s already smoked the doobs. WTF with the carpet thing?
Jillian, Crystal never had any cool points. Ever.
do you think crystal bowersox was high or what.
If she wasn’t, I sure the hell needed to be to endure that performance.
LOL, Jillian with the guitar pic.
I’ve heard you should never look a horse straight in the eye.
Egads!!
I think Mickey Rourke should be a mentor.
Or Pete Doherty.
Michael Lynche was the best of the night, but guys, that ain’t saying much.
That’s right. When channeling Michael Bolton, you always go for How Can We Be Lovers If We Can’t Be Friends?
Thank God this site exists. I can’t decide who I hate more. These contestants were all scraped from the bottom of the talent barrel. Ellen is the worst judge ever. Bring Paula back!!!!!
OK i hate this guy…no song needed
Oh, God. This douche HAS to go. Can anyone honestly say they want to look at his fugly mug for 10 more weeks?
Also, wtf is up with the circa 1975 “sports jacket”?
A reject from Michael Bublé Academy.
I want to scrape that tattoo off Andrew’s neck with a piece of brillo.
He sucked something, that’s for sure.
I know someone said it before and they were right. Kim Jong Il.
Laughing my ass off at the photo of that guy from Korea! He does look like him.
my daddy says i am the best french kisser
AHAHAH that’s a pimpin’ photo of Kim Jong!
Who told this child Fergie was a viable “artist”?
This is AWFUL. LOL IstillHATEAdam, LOL Jillian.
LOL..glad someone caught it..lol
One of the funniest lines in that movie.
I can’t stand it when all of these teenage studio creations call each other “artists.” I imagine a true musical “artist” as someone who can weave an emotional tapestry in my mind….not a friggin’ migrane.
Katie Stevens is a church singer. She is not believable as a pop/R&B singer at all. She looks like she should be working at a summer camp for special needs children.
Just wait until we get to Siobhan. She sounds like she has cotton stuffed up her notrils.
LOL. I’m a big fan. Of your dad’s.
i think Miley is trying to hit that
Dear Doc Brown, please pull up in the Delorean and take this fool back in time!
omg…Casey. *slobber* He better effing win. I hope he takes off his shirt again. lmao
Uggg, hate this song, but he is singing it not too bad. Love him for burning Miley like that.
Simon was right. Casey James did sound like a cover band singer. He sang it exactly like Huey Louis.
Yes, it’s true, Casey DOES have Meg Ryan’s hair, but at least he doesn’t have her face….she doesn’t even have her face.
Is that Betty Draper giving Don the business?
Ummm, I do like her dress, though.
she’s “chewy” like a piece of bad gum
Haha, I just saw the Meg Ryan hair pics. Spot on, spot on.
I’m sad to say that Casey James is in fact prettier than Meg Ryan. Thanks for pointing that out, WeHateIdol.
Finally ! EXTREME KOTEX!
That made me lol, even though I don’t know what in the bloody (giggle) hell you’re talking about.
hahah there was a commercial for some edgy tampons.
Fierce tampons ROCK!!
I’m late to the party tonight but after reading the comments and the recap, it does not sound like I missed much. When will these contestants stop singing awful songs that sounded old fashioned 25 years ago?!
Lord this is like the after dinner shows on Royal Caribbean.
she’s OK…or it just could be my depression, or the bad chinese i just ate
She is HORRIBLE. she just screams and it PISSSSSSSES ME OFF!
She’s cuckoo. Nutso. Whack.
My one line wrap from their song titles:
Lee- The
Tim-Crazy
Paige- Odds
Aaron-Miss
Crystal-and
Michael-Man
Andrew- Through
Katie-Cry
Didi-No
Casey-of
Siobhan-tit
LMAO
omfg. Did Jillian just predict that Siobhan is gonna win this thing?!? Um, no. It’s Casey ALL THE WAY. I will easily place a bet on it.
Yes – I did predict she’s going to win the whole thing – but I deleted it from the review! I think Casey will make it to the top 6, but that’s it.
You’re right, Casey WILL make it to the top 6….and beyond. As a matter of fact, he will be the next Idol. I will bet my good name (Spatuler) on it. Oh, this is SO on.
Doubt it. Casey is nowhere near as good as:
Siobhan
Crystal
and….that’s it….
night all i am not feeling good…think it was idol…
Thanks for making a boring Tuesday night less boring guys!!
I think they are pimping Crystal for the win.
(IstillhateAdam)
I finally figured out a new name for this American idol season and I truly believe it encompasses how we all feel about the show. My inspiration is from our judges:
Randy
Ellen
Kara
Simons
My new name will be REKS as in this show REKS OF SHIT.
Miley??really??oh damn.Thank god Idol is on over here Friday and Sat’day nights and I have a life.Who are they gonna torture the audience with next??friggn Jonas Brothers or maybe Willie Nelson?.
One of those Jesus brothers or whatever the hell their name is was on last night with some chick named Dippy Clamato or something like that. Miley sucked just as bad as the contestants. I missed the old days where you actually had to have talent to become famous. Now anyone who opens their mouth can be a “celebrity”.
Jesus Brothers hahahaha and Dippy,you actually made me laugh for once.Miley sucks at the best(worst)of times,her voice even when just talking makes me cringe,and it’s not an age thing either,my 11 and 14yr old daughters can’t stand her.
No wonder Simon is leaving after this season.