Episode Recaps, Season 9 »
American Idol Season 9: Top 12 Live Blog (3/16/10)
Published on: March 16, 2010 – 6:44 pm by Jillian Madison 
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WELCOME BACK TO WE HATE IDOL! All the delicious, live-blogging goodness will begin again tonight! For those who don’t know me, I’m Jillian Madison. I’ll be your host for the next 12 painful weeks of awful singing and redundant judges’ commentary.
(Note: Aside from one audition show back in January, I haven’t watched any episodes of Idol yet this season. I honestly have no idea who these contestants are, or what they’re about. I wanted to be able to bring you honest commentary without any prior history or knowledge of the contestants or their stupid sob stories. I have heard, though, most of them SUCK ASS and that this is the worst season people have seen in years. Lucky us.
The live photo-recap and performance rundown will begin at 8 EST. Until then, here’s a reminder:
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s do this!
8:00 pm: Ellen’s wearing a scarf inside. That’s one of my biggest fashion pet peeves, so we’re already off to a bad start. To make matters worse, Ryan Seacrest’s front tooth just blinded me.
8:03: Who are all these sorry looking people on stage? Christ, is that the Top 12, or the newest castmembers of Freaks And Geeks: The Musical?
8:05 Michael Lynche is up first. He’s wearing a scarf too! What the hell?
FYI: IT’S ROLLING STONES NIGHT – and personally, they’re one of my most hated bands of all time. Goodie!
8:07: Michael is singing Miss You. Wait, is he the kid from The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock? He’s dancing around the stage like a freak, and his poor pants zipper looks like its hanging on for dear life.
Simon said his performance was “verging on desperate.” I agree. I’m not impressed. NEXT!
8:15 pm: This depressing autism commercial brought to you by Toni Braxton.
8:16: Didi Benami is up next. And HER MOTHER IS WEARING A SCARF. This is a freakin’ conspiracy, I’m telling you.
Didi is singing Play With Fire. She’s eye-fucking the camera and I sort of want to punch her. Actually, I just decided she looks like Justin Bieber with extensions.
Question: do you guys think American Idol is sponsored by Coke?
8:23: Casey James is up next. Oh, and here we go with the sob story from his youth. He had seizures, and he could only “hum songs in his crib.” And then I bet he had to walk to school everyday. Uphill. In the snow. BAREFOOT.
He’s singing “It’s All Over Now.” He has a guitar and dirty looking hair, and he actually looks like a vampire extra from True Blood.
The judges (except for Simon, of course) liked his performance, and Kara even called him a “rock star.” And by “rock star” I can only assume she meant “dull guy who could probably make a decent living entertaining the elderly with his fancy blue guitar.” But what else could you expect from a guy who grew up in a town called “cool?” (rolling eyes)
So far, I’m woefully unimpressed. Tell me this shit is going to get better, guys.
8:33 pm: This Lacey Brown chick looks like a young Sharon Osbourne. She’s singing “Ruby Tuesday” – and her voice is simply HORRIBLE. By far, the worst performance of the night. Goodbye Ruby Tuesday? More like GOODBYE LACEY. Next!
8:43 pm: This Andrew Garcia guy looks like a douchebag. Who tattoos their neck? Seriously? And those glasses! He’s like the lovechild of Danny Gokey and Junior from the Sopranos.
Andrew’s performance was horrible. Randy said he was pitchy, but Ellen said it was his “best performance yet.” A scary woman with a mohawk in the audience clearly agreed with her. Personally, I hated everything about it. NEXT!
8:54: Katie is up next, and people in the audience have photos of her face on popsicle sticks. I know. Annoying, right? She looks like she’s 84 years old. And even worse, I seriously think she stole that broach from my grandmother’s casket.
Aaaand, of course Katie is singing Wild Horses. Holy shit. Somebody tell this girl she’s not in YOUTH CHOIR. I can’t believe I share a state with her. If I ever see her around the Hartford CT capitol building or something, we’re going to have some serious words.
DEAR GOD, what is this inlay they’re doing with her face? Like she’s not old enough? I think I aged 8 years watching that performance. AWFUL. Is she like Benjamin Button or something? Is she aging in reverse?
Time for more commercials! Question: who hired Luke Wilson’s fat older brother to be the new spokesman for AT&T? And why is he standing in Ellen Degeneres’ closet?
9:05 pm: Tim Urban is up next. Wait, isn’t there already a famous person named Tim Urban? Doesn’t he sing songs about cowboy boots and John Deere lawnmowers?
Whoever this kid is, he’s HORRIBLE. He looks like a rejected Jonas brother, with an uglier haircut than Chad Rogers from Million Dollar Listings.
UPDATE: I’ve been informed the famous Urban is Keith Urban, and he’s married to Nicole Kidman. Shows how much I know.
I DO know that Tim Urban’s reggae-ish performance sucked, and the judges hated it too. Right about now, I’m finding it ironic that the American Idol talent pool is not talented. Discuss amongst yourselves.
These commercials are AWFUL. It is good to see, though, that Kris Allen could at least afford to lease a Ford Fusion.
9:15 pm: Siobhan Magnus is up next, singing “Paint It Black.” This is torture to listen to. You know what I wish I could paint black? MY EARDRUMS. Christ. I can’t hear anything after that 21-second long witches cackle she let out at the end of the song. She reminds me of Adam Lambert without a penis. (Er, wait, does Lambert have a penis?)
And on another note, you know what? I’m so freakin’ sick of big emo glasses. Who is her style icon? The guy from the Six Flags commercial? Come on.
9:25: Who is this tool? Lee DeWyze? And why do I give a shit that he used to work in a paint store? Anyway, he’s singing “Beast Of Burden” tonight. And Jack Johnson called. He wants his vocal chords back. I’m bored to death by this guy and his pleather jacket. Even Simon called him dull and forgettable – and he’s right.
Hang in there, Idol Haters! There’s only 30 minutes left in this crapfest! But first, ANOTHER COMMERCIAL! Surprise!
9:36 pm: Paige Miles is up next. She grew up singing in the church. Say, I wonder if she knows Katie Stevens?
I’ve never heard Paige sing before, and honestly, once is enough. She sounds like Carrie Underwood after getting run over by an out of control 18-wheeler. Hideous. And what the hell is she wearing? Are there SHORTS built into the bottom of her dress? Yes. Yes there are. NEXT.
9:40: Aaron Kelly is up next. And his mother’s name is KELLY KELLY. I could not make this shit up.
This kid is horrrrrrrrendous. Boring, generic, and dull. The most newsworthy thing about him is his mother’s name. NEXT.
9:52 pm: Finally! The last performer, Crystal Bowersox, is singing “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” In her case, she’s clearly referring to “getting the huge knot out of the back of her hair.”
The girl is completely forgettable. She’s ordinary, and I felt like I was watching a high school talent show. The judges weren’t thrilled by her, either, and Simon said she was beat by Siobhan tonight.
So that brought this slow, talentless episode to an end! No one stood out as being good, but lots of people stood out as being horribly bad: Katie Stevens, Aaron Kelly, Michael Lynche, Andrew Garcia, and Tim Urban suck hardcore and are all in danger of going home tomorrow.
Yes, it does suck ass so far this season, but it’s still early, we’ll see.
a dont make fun of andrew ur gay
Awww, crap, it’s 2 hours long tonight.
LOL at big Mike saying he was the “ham” of the family.
hi Jillian Madison I so missed you glad we can get our hate out for the next 12 weeks : )
Hey, I still hate Adam, too!! Let’s hug!! This guy SUCKS. Big Mike the ham guy.
Do you SEE how they kiss his ass? I don’t get it.
Oh, SHUT UP, kockeye Kara.
ellen is so boring! i want paula back.
LOL DAF…I am convinced I am deaf because these peeps seem to like him (mike)
To be fair to Ellen, I would much rather look at that scarf than her terribly wrinkled neck.
UGGG peeps 11 more to go
She reminds me too much of Brooke White
God, I’m about ready to slit my wrist.
ohhhh…me no likely
now she’s eye-fucking ellen
didi…go play with fire? k’ay?
Really, Randy? Really? Of course Ellen likes her. Cockeye Kara likes the “intesity” and “darkness” and “sweetness”. Simon’s “a fan”. I thought it blew chunks.
oh lord…this dude makes my nipples itch
This is the guy Kara wants to give oral to.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..debra james! is that woman for real or a washed up PORN STAR?
Kurt Cobain grew his hair out… ((casey james))
Cant always get what you want…like a good performance.
LOL @ the “True Blood” comment, Jillian. Oooh, sounds like Randy wants to give him oral, too!!!!!
Randys wearing a cardigan from ann taylor.
on casey james
randy…squirt, squirt
ellen…squirt
kara…needs the towel, gushing, gushing, oh, oh,
simon…squirt on looks, came quick, he’s done
Now for a quick commercial break and a mop up of all the judges squirts.
LOL..and myself : )
just logged into itunes… and um… wow, AI is even pimping apple out.
Oh, this chick drives me insane.
aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh. For the love of God, MAKE IT STOP!!
sorry i am still stunned
EWWW, EWWW, EWWW…THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABT THIS YEAR COUGH COUGH…EVERY YEAR
Oh man next up is my hate for this season ANDREW GARCIA
I hear you. He’s even uglier than Douchey Gokey.
His mother’s head is HUGE! Spare me, also, with the stupid sob stories. Waaaawaaaaaa
you gotta be fucking me…he’s a one note and he crapped on this excellent song..go home
i am not even going to start…AND ELLEN IS DEAF…OMG
Kara is such an asshole. I bet Andrew has taco breath.
YES! jillian you get that picture right of andrews…
andd yeah, im tired of the census commercials too…
Oh snap y’all. I’m late! This season has been the worst ever. I can’t even pay attention, but I CAN still concentrate my hate. Let’s get it on.
This chick shouldn’t have made it, either. Wild Horses? Maybe she’ll sing it like Susan Boyle, that will be full of win.
katie stevens: take a cue from kesha… But we kick ‘em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger
be youthful.
Katie is spitting everywhere, i even got hit in the face
spitting everywhere. LOL. new trident?
OMG Daf simon did say Susan Boyle…LOL.
“I seriously think she stole that broach from my grandmother’s casket.”
EASILY, the funniest line I’ve ever read on the internet in my life.
OMG I’m so glad this live blog is back. It’s so much fun. Jill your comments kill me.
Lacey reminds me of kool-aid-red-haired girl Nikki McKibbin. yeah I’m taking it way back.
Either casket or bea arthur
This seasin is really bad. I can not tell who sucks more. Send them all home and start over. Please.
*SEASON, not SEASIN! Typo!
Vomit: remember Nikki Mckibbs was on CELEBRITY REHAB?
holy crap Senter: i missed that masterpiece!
dude, she was like a bad coke addict. hard core. gained like 70lbs on that shit. not sure how one does that exactly.
Hey, let’s leave Bea Arthur outta this mess.
i dont know if anyone could be more annoying than danny gokey… yet.
LMAO RIP Luke Wilson’s hotter days.
More like thumb up his bum.
BARF on life..ok here is the dude every 12 year old girl will vote for everyweek no matter how bad he gets(or is)
as my grandmother would say: Tim is HARRRR-RRRIBLE.
everybody is singing the same fucking style and it’s really starting to piss me off. this pseudo derivative reggae – phish – grateful dead – wasted college kid – coffee house – insert name of current female artist that does this shit.
DAMMIT!
It’s one big giant sucking and slurping sound.
you are right!
I thought Tim Urban WAS married to Nicole Kidman. Wait are they still married?
No, she was married to Tim Cruise.
**jumps up and down on couch**
Oh yeah… and wouldn’t have any of his Jim Henson’s Science babies.
jason castro did poorly, i mean tim urban.
Tim Urban actually kinda looks a lot like Michael J. Fox circa Teen Wolf in that still. Someone call Stiles, I’ve got some shirts to sell out of his van.
LOL..wow ugly betty is singing
I bet Shibban’s (?) dad scores good weed.
Aloha Mr. Magnus
siobahn has a mary poppins tat…really?!
I just now saw it. Siobhan reminds me of Frances “Baby” Houseman from Dirty Dancing.. only not as talented. Baby could carry watermelons.
Um remind me again how does SCREAMING = singing?
not hot… bad and sounded terrrible.
Lol, Jillian. It’s been rumored that Madame perhaps has a penis. I’m a skeptic….. He still magages to BE a penis, however.
lol.
Yeah SIX FLAGS GUY! we like to party!
He’s about as interesting as a sack of potatoes.
the entire 12 this year. wtf? no pizazz at all!
this guy gives me a big WOODIE..LOL sorry guys can’t hate him (YET)
LMFAO
“And on another note, you know what? I’m so freakin’ sick of big emo glasses. Who is her style icon? The guy from the Six Flags commercial? Come on.”
Lol, I don’t really hate him, in fact I hate him kind of the least.
Meh, not bad.
Who’s this guy impersonating? John Mayer’s white supremacist penis? Or Dave Matthews?
mix of all 3
There is NO talent in the top 12 this year. I’m glad this site exists. That is all.
I wish Tatiana and Normond would come back.
I wanna sex normund up like a color me badd song
Jesus, Vomit, thanks for the visual!!!!
AHHAHAH! Come inside take off your coat I’ll make you feel at home.
Why does Ryan bother asking them questions? They never actually answer what he asks. It’s always, “I just wanted to have fun with it.”
aaron, scrawny in a busted jacket. needs to go home.
Needs to cut his finger nails
Needs to also grow some pubes and wait til his balls drop before he should start singing.
The fools are BOOOOOOOOOOORING! I need more booze for this.
did we just flash forward…LOL..i swore this thing was taking no comments
I think my Color Me Badd comment broke it?
Haha, I’m pretty sure that’s what it was, Vomit.
LULZ!
That kid’s mother’s name is really Kelly kelly? That is the funniest thing I’ve seeen on this show all night. That just about made up for me having to sit through Aaron’s performance.
Enough with the Luke Wilson commercials! For serious!
Keep rocking it out Jill, I love the commentary and the photos. It makes this awful show worth watching. :)
is this crap over yet who didn’t sing…oh the girl from my state
sorry i have to give props to my hippie chick from OHIO
Okay I bet Mr. Bowersox knows where to get the best meth.
LOL..probably in his garage…lol
MR. BOWOWOWER SOCKS FOR THE WIN!!!
Mr. Bowowowersocks for the win!!! I do really like her voice, though.
You kidding me??she’s a dipshit and her voice is like way way to many other singers.doesn’t stand out.
Her voice isn’t bad, and it’s not like many others that I’ve heard.
i actually like crystal. her voice isn’t unique, true, but it isn’t terrible, and that’s what the judges…aren’t (?) looking for. un-terribility? LOL
Listen to the radio then i suggest.Atleast with Adam,he stood out,weither good or bad he got attention and gave Idol a boost,Idol this season needs another one or two like Adam to make it less lame.This season idols just blend all together and equal a pile of shit.They’re like a friggn school singing bee.I know alot of people who won’t be watching again till Adam performs on it,and I bet that will be one of highest rating shows of the entire season.None of these new Idol wannabes will do any good once this is over.
Okay, time to eat your own words. You’re all about how well adam is doing, and he was on American Idol, was he not? Doesnt that make him an Idol Wannabe as well? Unless I’m misunderstanding, you are pretty two-faced and hypocritical.
Yeah, if they even allow him to perform. His recent comments about it being ok to use drugs and that American parents are too conservative when it comes to drug use pissed A LOT of people off. He also slammed Simon’s pet Susan Boyle, cutting her down like the classy guy that he is because she outsold him by millions and millions.
BOO! did you even read my posting??Yes I do realise Adam was on Idol,that’s why I said this seasons Idol need one or two like him,to give it a boost as he did while on it.
And as to the Susan Boyle comments Daf,he’s not the only one to make comments……still cracks me up how you seem to be keeping track of his every movement and interview yet hate him so much.My posting the other day wasn’t to throw Adam out there,it was to compare this season to the last.P.S Adam DID drugs,as did you Daf,years ago,not now.There aren’t many “rockers”in the world who aren’t or weren’t on drugs,good god.
Please, OMG, he said, JUST RECENTLY, that drugs are fun and recreational. What kind of irresponsible idiot says that? Him cutting down Susan Boyle, what kind of “professional” cuts down another artist? He’s an a-hole, go to a fansite if you want to drool over him. If you want to tard over this screaming tranny, that’s your problem.
I wasn’t actually drooling over him,I was TRYING to get the point across that this season is lame and they need someone who stands out and gave a little something extra-weither you like him or not,that’s not the point,the point is he gave Idol a boost last season.And yeah,he did say about the drugs,but also said he did them 6-7yrs ago.If he did drugs then boo-hoo,who ain’t??and those who did do them enjoyed them.And as for the Susan Boyle thing,I won’t even go there.
Maybe Daf you should listen to Adam and take note of how he is,and you may just learn something about tolerance and accepting others for who they are and being true to oneself.
Shoot back all you like,your narrow mindness and two faced self is pretty much what one expects from you now.buh bye.
Narrow minded because I loathe a self-important, foul mouthed, sexually promiscuous, screaming, drug abusing moron who had no business being on a show called American idol, a show aimed at young people? If it were anyone else who acted as moronically as Lambert does, I’d feel the exact same way about them. Just because you and the rest of his God awful insane and obnoxious “fans” think the sun rises and sets around his glittery ass doesn’t mean the rest of the sane and thinking world does. In fact, he’s becoming a parody of himself, and it’s hilarious to watch. Buh-bye, stick to watching New Zealand idol.
I agree, i agree. 6 or 7 years ago. Exactly! So, tell me, Daf, what’s such a bad thing about it? Okay, he said drugs were fun. But that was how he truly felt about them WHILE HE WAS DOING THEM. And he quit, did he not? And he doesn’t do them now, clearly. So, if some random kids decide, “oh, I’m going to drugs because some ultra-pretty gay guy did them”, then thats their own fault! It’s Adam’s opinion, and nobody should give a shit about something he did years ago. It has no effect on how his career is going to turn out. Only on how it appears to affect YOU and other ‘Adam Haters’/
“He said JUST RECENTLY”…okay but that doesnt mean he did the drugs just recently.Just recently I told someone I smoked ciggys,but its been 10yrs since my last so does that mean just recently I had one?Personally I dont care for Adam,some songs are okay others not so much,but to harrass him as this site has done is abit low.And if you believe everything you read in media then youre a fool,yes he did say these things,but were they taken out of context?.
He isnt hurting anyone,if some idiot decides drugs are cool because he said so,then they have no backbone,are as stupid as the drug itself.If someone hands you a gun and you shoot yourself its your own fault,not that other persons.This is what happens unfortunitly,everyone blames everyone else for their mistakes,instead of being your own person and being responsible for ones own life and choices so if stories about drug abuse hit the media,I guess you will be pinning it on Adam.
That’s my whole point, Lee. It doesn’t matter. they’re putting too much of a big deal on some drug thing that he did years ago. Everyone makes mistakes, alright? So you guys need to leave Adam alone. He’s just a normal person. There are many people out there who do drugs. He’s just a famous one and this site prefers to hate on everything that adam has done, even if it IS something he did years ago, and it’s pathetic!!
You and your defending the nasty drug addled tranny is “pathetic”, boo. And if he’s your idea of a “normal person”, then I’d hate to see who you hang out with.
Just a quick thought…..since MOST girls and women wear jeans and trousers,doesn’t that kinda make us dress as men???.Why focus on the negitive in Adam?what about all the good?he’s doing great charity work,he’s making alot of people happy,and he’s a piece of eye candy for those who want or need it :-)
Oh, shut the hell up about him. My God, you women just go on and on and on about the freak. I, along with many other people HATE him, so get over it. He’s a tool. And if you think a freak dressed up as a woman is “eye candy”, well, then I don’t know what to say to you. Have fun with that.
Jesus, Daf! What is your problem? Do you see no potential in him? Have you even heard a song? They’re wonderful!! And by the way, the people I hang out with are not like Adam at all, but we all love him. We sometimes make fun of things we’ve heard about him, like the drug issue and the AMAs. But those should NOT define who he is.
Get the hell over it. I hate his voice (nails on a chalkboard to me), I hate him, I don’t like anything about him, never have, never will. He makes my skin crawl. You like him, whoopdeedoo, I don’t. So what.
Boo! we’ll never win this losing battle hahahaha,we know the truth.
Seems like more are interested in this wee “debate” than what’s happening on Idol at the moment though.Where are all the comments from when Paige was booted??Reks is the only one who’s really posted something about it.Daf,we don’t give a shit about ya eyebrows,weither ya wax them or not.It’s not a beauty site.Atleast Adam is Idol related.
You’re obnoxious, OMG. I was replying to something that someone else said, if you noticed that.
I’m obnoxious? you must be running out of cheap shots to throw at me by now daf.obnoxious hahaha funny coming from you.
Here’s a suggestion, don’t talk to me, and I won’t talk to you ;)
In regards to ‘the name whom shall not be spoken by you’=done deal.
I actually agree with you as far as this season goes.
Ended up watching the Miley episode after all last night,Gees-us I had to change channel when Paige munted that song,it was a pitiful show.
ho-hum….
P.S. Aaron Kelly looks like Wil Wheaton from Star Trek Next Generation.
my one word final:
Michael…yadda
didi…no
casey…wet
lacey…ugggg
andrew…barf
katie…alice
tim…mormon
siobhan…loud
lee…just yum
paige…really
Aarron…yikes
crystal…earthy
See ya all later
I just saw on the news that a fucking road in CT was named after Katie Stevens. You have got to be shitting me.
Jillian great review, thanx
that is pathetic. Katie isn’t even worth that!!
Thanks, Jillian, that was fun!
“And then I bet he had to walk to school everyday. Uphill. In the snow. BAREFOOT.” …cruel world indeed..lol
I’m gonna have to check this blog more often. I haven’t watched a single episode of this show but I’m laughing my ass off at your comments! Thanks!!
whew, for the first time, I’m sitting this season out. There isn’t even one person to root for this year.
how sucky is this…so TIME WARNER CABLE screwed my whole area out of idol tonight by fucking up the cable stations…TIME WARNER CABLE IN THE WORSE CABLE COMPANY IN THE WORLD. Now i can’t see who is out ..should i care? I just want to see the look on Andrew G face when he’s booted…DAMN YOU TO HELL TIME WARNER CABLE
I feel utterly terrible for Aaron’s mom. KELLY KELLY? oh, that just sucks. I hated everyone tonight, but…Ellen is one funny chic. Seriously, I think she may have made the show. I take back what I used to say about her!!!
-Oh, and I did like Tim Urban. His version of “Hallelujah” was amazing and his reggae version of “Under My Thumb” was not unbelievable, but different, which is what I like in an artist, personally.
DON’T BE MEAN TO KATIE! Anyway funny Kelly Kelly. Can’t believe you live in the same state as me. I also hate Adam Lambert. But I LOVE American Idol, it’s awesome