Episode Recaps, Season 9 »
American Idol Live Blog: Season Premiere (1/12/10)
Published on: January 12, 2010 – 7:53 pm by Jillian Madison 
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Hey everybody! Welcome to WE HATE IDOL’s coverage of American Idol: Season 9. I’m Jillian Madison. Please note, if you’re looking for kind, gentle commentary about the contestants and the judges, this isn’t the site for you. We’re all about making fun of the imbeciles on the show, and our snarky live-blogs and photos will reflect that.
The action starts at 8 EST. Come back then and skewer the show with us in the comments section!
8:03: Here we go – Season 9 is underway. Paula Abdul: out. C-list celebrity guest judges: in. The auditions are starting in Boston.
Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice) is the first guest judge, and for some ungodly reason, she’s wearing a piece of a black stocking on her head.
8:08: The first contestant is JANET McNAMARA, who thinks she’s qualified to be here because she played the American Idol video game on her Nintendo Wii. Her stomach is pouring out over her jeans. This woman is a walking muffin top. She’s singing “Pocket Full Of Sunshine” and it’s hideous. The judges are appropriately horrified. Janet didn’t make the cut.
8:14: Here comes some random girl with 11 brothers and sisters. One of them has Downs Syndrome, so you know she’s going to make it to the next round.
Scratch that – SEVERAL of her siblings have Downs Syndrome.
Maddy’s singing “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen. I liked Brandi Carlile’s version better, but she has a nice voice. But come on, a dying whale would have sounded good after Janet. And of course, she made it to Hollywood.
8:20: Aaand, here comes Pat Ford, a loser in an Abercrombie polo screaming “HOLLER” and thinking he’s funny for doing so. He’s singing “Womanizer.” Is that supposed to be funny because he’s not? God, this season is boring me already. NEXT!
8:30: Nothing tells you you’re in the northeast like an overweight, greasy meathead from Rhode Island screaming at you in broken Italian. Meet 28-year old Amadeo Diricco. ROCK ME, AMADEO! Kara said she felt like she was “at home with her cousin” and Simon said it was his “favorite audition of the day.” They put him through. The entire cast of Jersey Shore is now celebrating in the waiting area.
8:33: Some loser with pimply skin just said he started “GRADUSTATING” to music a few years ago. Obviously, since he didn’t do any GRADUSTATING from college.
8:41: Mary Doyle is up next. She’s got yellow teeth, red hair, and she’s obsessed with Anime. Whatever. She’s boring, and I’ve got 50 bucks that says she didn’t get asked to prom.
8:45: Ah, finally. A rejected hipster in a knit ski cap singing Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade. My life is complete.
8:48: They sure are loving this toolbag in the non-prescription tortoise shell glasses, aren’t they? His name is Andrew Fenlen, and guess what…
He’s also a total dick. Victoria Beckham called him “hideously arrogant” and Kara DioGuardi went off on him for 5 minutes. He was like watching Clark Kent’s much less talented, much more obnoxious younger brother. He was the most interesting person on the entire episode, but he didn’t make it through to Hollywood.
9:00: We’re an hour into this shit, and I haven’t seen Victoria Beckham smile once. Does her face even move anymore?
9:02: The only thing I hate more than Alicia Keys is people who sing Alicia Keys on their American Idol audition.
I also just realized I don’t miss Paula Abdul at all. It’s like she was never even there to begin with.
9:04: Tyler Grady just sang “Let’s Get It On.” He looks like he just stole Greg Brady’s wardrobe from the episode when he moved his bedroom into Mike’s den.
9:05: Oh, look! Another commercial! This gives me time to discuss how useless Victoria Beckham is as a judge. All she’s done is comment on people’s clothing. I didn’t realize I was watching Fashion Idol. Thanks for the memo.
9:10: JUST when I thought this premiere couldn’t get any more boring, Ryan Seacrest is giving a history lesson about the Boston Tea party. Somewhere in America, my 7th grade Social Studies teacher is ecstatic.
9:12: Personally, I’m too distracted by the sheer amount of hair on Simon’s arm to be horrified by Lisa’s awful rendition of Marian Carey’s “Vision Of Love.”
9:15: I’m getting seasick just watching that Godzilla speedboat spinning around the water. Can this Mike guy sing his awful Beatles song and be done with it? Oh, great. They sent him through to Hollywood, even though he sang the first half of his song in a completely different key. Following in Adam Lambert’s footsteps, is he?
9:23: Time for Katie Stevens, a Portugese girl with a grandmother who has Alzheimers. This is totally sad. They’re showing footage of Katie spoonfeeding her and everything. Whatever. That’s playing dirty. I don’t even need to hear this girl sing. You know they’re going to send her through to Hollywood.
Aaaand, they sent her to Hollywood. Is this show predictable or what?
9:29: Further proof this is the most boring premiere episode ever: Randy just referenced SPANDAU BALLET. I rest my case.
9:30: I’m so sick of these sob stories. Yes, people have cancer, sick grandmothers, and disabled siblings. But do the Idol producers think the American population is so stupid, we can’t like someone without hearing their corny backstory?
9:39: Dear God. Not the “Turn The Tub Around” butter commercial. Is Megan Mullally that hard up for cash?
9:45: Norberto Guerrero looks like Latoya Jackson’s corpse. I’m terrified. I think I saw him spraypainted on the side of a loud ride at my local town carnival once.
WE HATE IDOL COMMENT OF THE NIGHT: “So, are Bosa’s parent sending me e-mail scams yet?” -Vomit
And that brought this awful episode to an end! Join us tomorrow night for another episode of American Idol. Thankfully, it’s only 90 minutes. There is a God.
is Janet for real? OMFG.
This season, good lord. Saul, I think Janet needs some Ritalin.
Janet had a pocket full of fat.
HOW old is Maddy, she looks like she is 13?
Maddy followed the fattie…and was better, but who wouldnt be?
this season is missing something. just something. i see alot of PURE losers.
OMG, who is PAT? why does he have a band of grammar school girls around him? HOLLER? um, i think wore out in 1999
whats with the older folk this year?
yo tony soprano up in dis AI season
GO ITALY… i mean little Rhode Island.
Chris Brown and the Eagles? Derek are you serious? Its sounds like he singing out of his belly button.
The freak with the pimply skin just said he loved how Chris Brown “touched” little kids all over the world. Gee, ya think he’s faking it? What a freak. This season is boring as hell so far.
Wow, Derek sounded like SYBIL!
Thank god your blog is back!
I hope the X Factor is better than this shit
Andddd we’re talking about Anime now. WOW
WOW did you mean WORLD OF WARCRAFT? Hahahhahahahahahahh
these contestants aren’t good, or bad, they’re just boring and blah!
this. season. sucks. already.
Andrew is a plant, actor.
Andrew is a douche. bottom line.
as long as the chicks are presentable, and the boys having a handsome look, theyre letting them thru. so predictable. i can watch this show on MUTE and tell you who goes through.
Jillian, i agree with you about Paula. its not a shame at all that she isnt there.
tyler sure is greasy. i wanna smear his face in my skillet so my eggs don’t stick.
I wish something interesting would happen. is it me or is this the most boring premiere of American Idol ever?!
I don’t miss Paula, even though I thought I would. I guess she really didn’t add that much to the show.
ok, i gotta go PAHHHHK the CAHHHH.
Ha, yes, in BAWWW-STAWN. Pak the cah.
This season is pretty wretched. Im from CT, and the folks from CT are putting me to shame.
wait wasn’t it CODzilla?
I don’t think it matters. It’s still a crappy job, and AI will “change his entire life”. Same old story for everyone, and then they go on to Hollywood, and then they get kicked off eventually. It’s so predictable, this show.
Here we go again for another crappy season of AI. Now we get to deal with Ellen. This is gonna be a looooooonnnnnnnnnnngggggggg season.
Then don’t friggn watch it dick.
Ellen’s awesome,better than Paula ever was.
you would think so, wouldn’t you WTF? Just cuz you think lesbo’s are friggin amazing doesn’t mean she’s cut out for the job of judging people’s voices. She’s a comedian, not a voice coach, you idiot.
Boo!,
Ellen is able to kinda relate to the idol wannabes since is in front of an audience heaps,I think that’s why she got the job,not coz can sing(??????).I dunno,it was a strange choice to have her as a judge,nothing against her personally,but as a judge??really??.Can’t be worse than that dreadful Paula though.
BOO! Not meaning to over use my name but WTF?
what the hell does Ellen being a Lesbo have to do with anything?
and yeh,she’s a comedian who is used to being on stage infront of crowds so maybe…just maybe she can offer advice on dealing with nerves and a disgruntled audience??
You pissed off because you weren’t offered the job to fill Paula’s shoes?I mean you are this musician after all.what’s the name of your album and i’ll go buy it….or are you one of these bar singers or cruise ship singers that Simon loves so much?
Maybe you should try out for idol….or shit,did you and didn’t get through to Hollywood?.
Okay, okay, you’re right, WTF. I took that over the top. I’m sorry, I was just super pissed off that Ellen got chosen for this over some people who could actually have some musical talent. And I understand the whole ‘understanding how hard it is to be on stage’ crap, but I still don’t think it’s extremely worth picking her. Don’t yell at me. These are just opinions. And you have yours–it’s that Ellen is good. I have mine–it’s that Ellen wasn’t cut out for this job. That’s all I was saying.
same to you, maisy. sorry if I “hurt your feelings”. 0_0
This Joshua Blaylock tool singing country should not have made it through to Hollywood. He is awful. This season is scraping the bottom of the barrel.
i dont even know what was going on with Joshua. I mean really? all that nonsense talk.
Welcome back VOMIT! :)
Hahah yo Saul! I can barely stand this crapola. However, I feel like if i stick it thru, I will get a medal.
20 minutes left. 2 hours of this shit is harder to get through than a marathon. It’s like stairmaster time.
turn the tub around. kill. me.
TURN THE TUB AROUND. NO HYDROGENATED OILS.
latoya jackson keeps forgetting the lyrics.
they are now calling Victoria B. “V”?
so it’s bosa’s parents sending me email scams yes?
as long as we are using letters now. I give this show an F.
is it possible to give a Z?
HA! Vomit you got a mention! Comment of the century! Nice.
Note: even though Rusted Root has drums and wailing voices in the song…doesnt really equate to Bosa’s homeland music.
I thought i was just watching “Number One Ladies Detective”.
ZING!
Norberto Guerrero got my vote.
Did Bill Kaulitz change his hair again? No wait- that’s Norberto!
I am surprised at what a RACIST Mary J Blige is! She was nasty and snotty to many white singers but loved all the black ones. She is a multi-millionare and showed no class to any of the singers she did not like. She actually made fun a few.
I have to agree with you guys for once. Not one of those people that auditioned even got my attention. Not ONE. It’s extremely lame. And you’re right! We don’t need Paula anymore. :-)
I am also extremely disappointed in Mary J as WELL. “Yeah, to the country girl”. She totally said that unwillingly. The whole world does NOT revolve around R&B, lady!
WHEN WILL THESE AUDITIONS GET GOOD? THE ONLY AMUSING ONE WAS THE ‘PANTS ON THE GROUND’ SONG!!!!
BUT I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WATCH IT IF YOU HATE IT…
why the hell is Ellen going to host this shit? What does she know about singing or music?
she probably knows more than you BOO!
Do you really think so? I’ll bet ANYTHING Ellen doesn’t know a thing about music. And i’d know a ittle something about music, OMG. I’m a musician! God. What is with you people? I hate Ellen, but Im still in <3 with Adam! Cut me a break…
*cusses under breath*
I’m really scared. That rocker chic from hollywood week looks exactly like the lead singer of green day, Billie Joe Armstrong! (extremely h0t)I feel like I’m being stalked. I see him everywhere! Even on female faces! LOL
Seriously though. Soon I’m goin to be seeing female Adam Lambert’s. Not as if he’s any different than a female ANYWAY…
I’m confused. There are so many people (last season) that were yelling at us for dissing adam lambert. But, as I look back on it, nobody cared about what we said about Kris Allen? *gasp* must not be true faaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnssss!! ^^ oh schnap!
Um now i’m confused thanks BOO! hahaha.didn’t or don’t you like Adam????up a few posts ya said you <3 adam…doesn't that mean love????anyways,shyt happens.in regards to Kris Ellen,um things didn't really get as personal at him as at Adam though.You all kept it at Kris's singing and not as a personal attack……that even make sense??buggered if I know but know what i'm on about.Personally I have nothing against Kris….if in a bored,idle,can't be frigged doing anything kinda mood.
Dunno about in USA or wherever,but here in kiwiland,it's Adam who's ripping up the charts and always requested on the music shows,i'm yet to see or hear Kris played.
you’re right. I’m not predictable at all. I do like adam. and adam is ripping up the charts here, too. And you’re right. He is 100x more popular than kris is (who the hell gets advertised through FORD commercials?). And I suppose you’re like, “What the hell? This person is totally into we hate idol, but likes Adam?” Yeah. It’s basically true. Rarely, when a season comes along, do I pick a favorite. Adam was my favorite. And….yeah.
hahahaha yeh okay ya right,I am like what the hell BUT I posted on here last season(given it was mostly AFTER the season finished)probably as much as Dafeedil who has now shortened it down to Daf and vomit,just as a bitch though because I like Adam and made that well known hahaha.um does Kris get ads through FORD??pffft if you’re going to do commercials,make it for something decent like HOLDEN.Anyway Kris is boring and well just boring.This season is pathetic so I have crossed to the dark side and joined the very folk I pissed off so much last year heh heh.
nice. that’s how I was last year. I was all against this site, so now I totally like it. (and I’ve always been for adam. don’t tell Jillian! LOL) I used to post tons of stuff in my…other identity…and that identity was against this site. and when you talk good about contestants, you get no attention! So i decided to become a member of the site that disses everyone, and look at me now! People hate me and I’m gettin lots of attention. I love it! “And I’m….gonna soak up the sun.”
and kris is too lame for me to care about. (nice voice, crappy artist if that makes any sense…)
Idol gives back? Back to what? Profiling Crap on how good they are? Who gives a shit about how they helped out a bunch of people somewhere else. And every star shown talked about something else! HIV, Starvation, Needing Medical care….where are they trying to go? How about going back to talent and highlighting good performers. And their Ford commercials absolutly make me want to buy a KIA! I yell at my wife and daughter for watching this crap, but it does no good.
It’s all crap,the judges,mentors,contestants…the entire thing.HOPE it’s canned after simon departs.