Episode Recaps, Season 8 »
American Idol Season 8: Top Downloads Recap (3/31/09)
Published on: March 31, 2009 – 9:35 pm by Jillian Madison 
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Another week, another episode of American Idol! We’ve whittled the competition down to the TOP 9, and tonight they sang songs that were “popular downloads on iTunes.” Whatever that means.
Before we start, I have a question. Hey Danny Gokey, how many inches does your penis measure?
Interesting. Just as I thought. I’m Jillian Madison. Now let’s do this.
TOP 9: Top Downloads Night (3/31/09)
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Anoop sang “Caught Up” by Usher. What a disaster. He came across as a pathetic wannabe poser, with less stage presence than of one of Jay-Z’s old bongs. Simon called his performance a “huge mess” – and that’s a huge undersatement. Rating: 4/10. |
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Danny Gokey sang “What Hurts The Most” by Rascal Flats. I’ll tell you what hurts the most: MY EARS, from his raspy voice and his half-assed attempts to be relevant and interesting. He belongs singing in a cabaret theater on the Lido deck of a 3rd rate cruise ship. Rating: 4/10. |
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Allison Irahetta was HORRIBLE tonight. She sang “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt, and butchered it beyond recognition. She’s like PINK JR. Same color hair, same annoying raspy voice, same unfortunate pig nose. And her outfit, a pink puffy dress and black leggings, was simply tragic. She came out on stage looking like a 4th grader’s interpretation of what punk rock was. Look, even Paula Abdul hated it, and that has to say something. Rating: 3/10. |
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Oh, HI SCOTT! Is that you sitting on the edge of the stairs, with your new FUGLY Richard Marx haircut? Yes, it is!
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Scott Macintyre sang “Just The Way You Are” by Billy Joel. Say it with me: “OF COURSE HE DID.” Except his voice was even more grating and intolerable than usual, because he held each note for like 90 seconds. I say it every week and I’ll say it again now: if he was not blind, he wouldn’t be here stinking up the stage with his feathered hair and his pleather jackets. Go away, Scott. We’ll all chip in for a seeing eye dog if that’s what it will take. Rating: 2/10. |
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Matt Giraud… boring boring boring. Matt Giraud… keyboard keyboard keyboard. He sang “You Found Me” by The Fray, and his vocals were God awful. He just stood there singing the words “you found me” out of tune, over and over and over. And was he playing, like, IN the audience? Weak. One more thing: I am really sick of looking at that huge nasty mole on his forehead. It’s like that scene from Austin Powers: “MOLEY, MOLEY, MOLEY.” It’s all I see. Rating: 2/10. |
Lil Rounds. She sang some boring-assed song by Celine Dion. Because she’s 90. And what on Earth did she do to her hair? She looks like a BLOW UP DOLL.
Disclaimer: I hate Adam Lambert. Why? I loathe people who are blatantly in love with themselves. His performances are self 
indulgent to the point of causing people watching him to feel actual nausea. He thinks he is God’s gift to music, when in reality, he’s just a mediocre talent who never hit it big time because he’s never been good enough. Having said that, his performance tonight was simply awful. He came out on stage with his hair all slicked back and poofy, looking 50% like a rejected extra in Grease, and 50% like a bloated Cory Feldman. He screeched and screamed the lyrics to “Play That Funky Music” and spun around in circles on the stage like a schoolgirl at recess. And at the end of his performance, he THANKED THE BAND, like he was Bruce Springsteen or something. Get over yourself, Adam. Send this toolbag home, America. My ears can’t take much more. Rating: -532/10.
EVERYBODY ELSE:
Megan Joy sang “Turn Your Lights Down Low” by Bob Marley, and her performance made me exclaim, “How is this bitch in the top 9?” I think she’ll be going home tomorrow night. Her voice is so grating on the ears. I’d rather listen to a group of munchkin inhaling helium and screeching the alphabet while running their nails across chalkboards.
And Kris Allen sang “Ain’t No Sunshine” with his little keyboard. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. American Insomnia.
So there you have it. Leave your thoughts on the episode in the comments, and we’ll bring you the results as soon as they go down tomorrow night.
Another self indulgent performance by Adam Lambert. Wow. He belongs off off Broadway.
I HATE SCOTT MACINTYRE!!!!!
megan joy bought a one way ticket home with yet another shitty performance. all she says every week is “i’ll do better next time!” yeah sure honey. you suck. go home to utah
BYE MEGAN!!!
Funny recap – thanks for keeping it honest and real! Danny Gokey is slippin’ in the poles. No one likes him anymore.
Agreed, Matt and Kris were just boring. Megan and Adam were awful and screechy. And Scott… is his presence here an April Fools joke? I wish.
THANK YOU!!! Scott DOES look like Richard Marx now. LMAO
So sick of Lil Rounds singing her usual adult contemporary bullshit. and she does look like a blowup doll there.
A very disappointing night indeed. Sure would have been nice to have had David Cook and David Archuletta around.
I have a favorite–who will remain namesless–but that favorite sure did let me down tonight. BIG TIME. I voted for that person 300+ times, but next week–if he/she survives–ain’t getting another vote if they don’t clean up their act and actually play a song that I’ve heard at least once in my lifetime.
Oh come now, Scott didn’t look like Richard Marx, more like Kirk Cameron… an uglier version of Kirk Cameron… WHO WAS POPULAR IN THE EARLY 80′S!!!!
Ok and Matt, THREE WORDS: OUT. PATIENT. SURGERY. Seriously, dude. You too can cease looking like a troll if you could just take the good doctor’s advice and have that removed. We would vote for you if we didn’t have to look at the way that thing casts shadows all across poor Ryan Seacrest.
Oh and I loved Paula’s comment to Megan, “maybe sitting… on a stool…” What, Paula, and miss the awkward twitching gyrations that constitute “dancing” in her world. She has FANS, you know!
Oh and I sure enjoyed Adam’s naughty sex faces, mike humping and of course the obligatory Steven Tyler squeal at the end of this song. Now THAT’s originality! I know… maybe next week he could make naughty faces at the camera, hump the mike stand all while adding in an obligatory Steven Tyler squeal… gosh we sure could use more of that! Turn it UP! You wanna go home or something?
scott macintyre is a douche
I LOVE THIS WEBSITE. It is literally the only place that hates Adam Lambert as much as my girlfriend and I do. Keep it up, you’re one funnnnnnyyyy bitch.
Again, Megan wore NO sleeves. Ok, we get it. You have a tattoo. I groan everytime she’s on my screen.
Meghan is certainly a joy! You’ve got to surrender to the different drummer her singing transports you to.
And props to whoever it was in the audience that yelled “broken record” at Kara when she was dissing Meghan’s song choice. Bite this Kara.
Can we vote Kara off instead? I never thought I would see the day where Paula is looking like the intelligent one.
I felt the judges were way too harsh on Moley Matt. I like him, despite cringing every time I see his face.
Adam… wtf? Seriously, he has “star power”? He is trying too hard and it’s painful to watch.
Kris was great, but why does his jaw become unhinged when he sings? He looks like a muppet!
Allison — omfg. Wow, she looked terrible. She reminded me of one of those troll dolls from the 90s — with the wild hair and the jewel on the belly button. She looked awful. Does anyone know how many packs of sigs she smokes?
Lil — . . . . I saw all the way to her stomach. WOW. Too much, too big. STOP SHOUTING.
Danny and Scott aren’t even worthy of my derision. :)
To Lindsay right above this post, OMG, I laughed out loud when you said you could see all the way to Lil’s stomach, funny stuff. Looking at Adam makes my eyes bleed, and hearing him sing reminds me of the sound two street cats make when they’re going at it behind a dumpster in a dark alley. No offense to any street cats out there.
-SOMEONE PLEASE SHUT KARA UP!!!! The only musical refrences she has are from like the last two years. Hello you stupid B**** there was a music industry prior to duffy, carrie underwood, and amy “crackpipe” winehouse. And I hate that Randy is jumping on Kara’s banwangon. Now I’m not saying Megan had any right to tear apart that wonderful song but maybe its best cause she needs to go home already.
-I was super dissapointed that someone stoped Allison from running her mouth cause I love hearing her make a fool of herself.
-Scott is beyond creepy. His family is creepy. Thats all.
-Adam ughhhh where to start where to start. Gross, Arrogant, Poser, but unfortunately a pretty ok singer. Oh and please someone start this kid on a proactive commercial with kelly clarkson.
This is the only place I can go to enjoy the loathing for Adam Lambert. Why are they kissing his ass? He’s awful. Self indulgent. Not entertaining.. not even in an ironic way. Ugh.
Adam’s hot.
To the worthless, untalented twat who runs this site –
Where the fuck do you get off spouting such crap online for all the world to see? “I hate Adam Lambert” – listen, bitch, that guy is making more people happy in 3 seconds of a song than you ever will in your whole miserable life, and you just can’t stand it. As well as your evisceration of the other contestants that turn them into non-humans – who the fuck are you, bitch?
I would like to see you gang raped and bleeding in an alley right next to the theatre where the “American Idol” concert is playing. With your face plastered into the gravel, scarred forever from a vengeful fan.
Do the world a favor and die, you useless cunt. Go suck some serviceman’s cock. You would be of more use.
From the previous comment… clearly – Adam Lambert is now commenting on this site. Brilliant! And he’s even more of a douchebag than I thought he was!
You know, I didn’t really have a feeling about Adam Lambert either way. But after reading Fri87234’s ignorant, violent, and ridiculous comment, I am now hopping on the I HATE ADAM LAMBERT TRAIN. All aboard!!!
To whoever runs this site, I would like to say THANK YOU. This is the only website on the internet that is not kissing this toolbag’s ass. And I am grateful you exist. You’re funny, you’re honest, and keep it up!!!
I agree. Fri87234 should be shot in the face and forced to listen to Adam Lambert’s shitty music until he bleeds to death.
I think Fri87234 IS Adam Lambert. No one else would get so angry. And we know he googles himself.
HI, LOSER.
Fri87234, err I mean Adam, it’s comments like that, that make more and more people hate you.
Sure hope you go home tonight! I’d listen to William Hung before I’d listen to anything of yours (obviously thats saying a lot)
ADAM!! IF THAT’S YOU, WILL YOU MARRY ME!!!??? I don’t care if you’re gay or not!
I hate Kara. Is she supposed to be the judge of “emotions”? Every comment from her is “I didn’t feel your emotion….” “I could see raw emotions in your eyes…”That song wasn’t showing me who YOU really are….” “I want to see the true YOU….” ” You really FELT that song…”
Puke.
Simon is the only judge as far as I am concerned. I Tivo right through everyone else blabbing on and on.
Hey, Fri87234, you’re a crabby little gay man, aren’t you? Actually, I get more happiness from this site than I do from that flaming no talent acne scarred Adam Glambert. When I google “Adam Lambert” and go to the images, is that one pic of you? You know the one, where Adam’s got his tongue crammed halfway down your throat? Your mother must be proud.
Fri87234, as Voltaire said, “I don’t agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it”, mate! You have a refreshing style. It’s kinda Catcher in the Rye meets Charles Manson/Ted Bundy with Tourettes syndrome. I like it, man!. I really like it! You could make a lot of money if you directed your venom and ascerbic wit towards something that really needs an independent assessment like Geithner’s economic policies or why country music is so popular. Write a book or articles for the New York Times. Even movie reviews or restaurant reviews. But leave the author of this site alone. She really is harmless, funny and – even Idol devotees would agree – American Idol does get up your craw every now and then. People just come here to vent
And for the record, I like Adam Lambert. But here’s the thing. If something doesn’t stand up to criticism, then maybe it wasn’t that farking special in the first place!
I am shocked at the way the judges are pimping DANNY GOKEY!!!!!!!!! There are flat notes when he sings and yet they don’t notice! The raspy voice really isn’t good to the ears! His bestfriend who didn’t make it to the top 36 is much better than him!
ADAM LAMBERT? He hasn’t won yet. Why is he acting like he’s a legendary star already. He just screams the notes and people love him.
Don’t you notice how they lambast Lil Rounds now? She won’t make it to the top 3, I swear. They’re pimping boring Kris Allen, grooming him to the top 3 position. Danny Gokey? wake up America and send him home soon.
The blind guy freaks me out……..next week lets try the dark glasses look…..
Matt…….ugly,ugly,UGLY
The Rod Stewart wanna be……..sucks……
ANOOP…even the name sucks
Fri87234, we all have the right to our opinion, and if you don’t like it, fuck off the website. Your either some fruity little gay guy that undresses Adam Lambert with your eyes, or some fucking dumbshit little middle school girl. But gang raped and bleeding in an alley? Thats harsh. Such a assholish little comment there shows us that you have no sense at all. Anyway, have fun watching Adam Lambert and doing whatever you do when you watch him. But when he ends up working on 7th street (as a hooker), dont come crying to us when you’re HIV positive.
If you want proof that Adam Lambert is truly Adam Glambert, click here and LAUGH YOU ASS OFF.
http://cm1.theinsider.com/media/0/378/43/adam_lambert_kissing_a_man_2.0.0.0×0.400×300.jpeg
HATE Adam Lambert. LOVE Jillian Madison.
i want to do Danny Gokey in his man-gina
adam lambert is a really good performer and singer. He’s one of the best on the show. a lot of people think that. he doesnt think he’s “God gift to music”. he was in wicked so he has to be really good
I agree with you 100% on that Sasha. I couldn’t believe he was in my fav musical! And the funny thing is, He loves to act and sing like ME!! I was ooberly excited because he is my favorite and I went on YouTube. Type in Is Anybody Listening- Adam Lambert and watch it! He has such beautiful vocals!
ok, if u dont like the show THAT much, then just dont watch it…..like seriously?…