American Idol Season 8 Episode Recap – Louisville Auditions

Tonight’s episode of American Idol showcased their search for talent in Louisville, Kentucky. The show opened with a bunch of stock footage of Kentucky – horses, Louisville slugger bats, and a toothless guy in overalls making out with his mother. What a treat for us all.

EPISODE RECAP: THE LOUISVILLE AUDITIONS (1/21/09)

	Before she settled in for the auditions, judge Kara Dioguardi decided to try out some random guy’s horn. He told her to just “put her lips to it and blow.” Well then. Sounds like she should be a natural.
	First up was Tiffany Shedd, a girl with bad teeth and bad hair and an unfortunate dark stain on her boob that looked like a melted Raisinette. She sag “Hero” and somewhere in America, Mariah Carey clutched her hand to her chest and collapsed. Oh, and you know you’re in Kentucky when your father shows up to your audition wearing SAFETY GOGGLES.
	Next up was Mark Mudd, yet another contestant straight out of the movie Deliverance. We can’t be sure, but we think his father might be a billygoat. He was wearing a lovely eagle bolo that flopped around his neck as he sang White Lightning by George Jones. But ultimately, the judges said this wasn’t the right competition for him. Simon told him to try Wheel Of Fortune, but we think he needs to try the tractor pull across the street. As he left, he told the judges to “be careful.” You can bet Paula Abdul will be sleeping with one eye open, and with one hand on a TASER GUN.
	Paula Abdul, in yet another pair of eyeglasses. What the hell? Is she suddenly a spokesperson for Lenscrafters?
	Then came Irene Angueloba, a “toothbrush factory worker” from Tennessee. She claimed to be 28. What, in dog years?
	And how could we forget the biggest geek this side of the Mississippi, Ross Plavsic. He talked about how Chinese characters ostensibly connected, which caused Paula Abdul’s head to spin and then spontaneously combust.
	He then took the opportunity to slurp out of Paula Abdul’s cup, and to write a little message for us in Chinese.
	Finally we met Rebecca Garcia, a girl with a long, horsey face who thought she was the shit because she was on the news earlier that morning. She actually showed up with lyrics SCRIBBLED ON HER ARM. She sang the most painful rendition of Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” before being thrown off the stage with just her purple glove to wipe away her tears.

Man, this was one of the most pathetic bunch of losers in American Idol audition history. Only 9 people made it through to Hollywood. That’s it for this week, we’ll see you next Tuesday.

1. richard

   December 6th, 2009

   I wish I had come across the site sooner. Thanks.

   [Reply]