Episode Recaps, Season 8 »
American Idol Season 8 Episode Recap – Kansas City Auditions
Published on: January 15, 2009 – 12:04 am by Jillian Madison 
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Tonight’s Kansas City auditions were even more boring than last night’s Arizona auditions. So far, American Idol has been completely FORGETTABLE. Here’s what went down tonight (and it ain’t much).
THE 5 BIGGEST TOOLS AT THE KANSAS CITY AUDITIONS (1/14/09)
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1. Von Smith, a tool who sang “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” so horribly that Judy Garland rose from the dead just so she could die again. This kid was already on The View in 2007, but didn’t get anywhere. He won’t get anywhere on Idol, either. .GO HOME. GIVE SAMANTHA RONSON HER HAT BACK. YOU WON’T BE THE NEXT IDOL. SORRY. |
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2. Michael Castro, the smug, uglier brother of Season 7’s Jason Castro. He had a pink Flock Of Seagulls haircut and he couldn’t sing at all. But hey, this is American Idol. The judges put him through anyway.
HEY MICHAEL, GO BUY YOURSELF SOME L’OREAL HAIR DYE IN A NORMAL SHADE. HEATHER LOCKLEAR TOLD US TO TELL YOU YOU’RE WORTH IT. |
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3. Jasmine Gold, a frumpy girl with pink and blue hair. She showed up to the audition wearing a hideous a gold bedazzled shirt and a black skull fedora. She sang “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” Maybe she should follow the yellow brick road to a decent hairdresser. . YOU WILL NEVER BE KELLY CLARKSON. SORRY, BUBBLE BURST. NOW GO HOME AND THROW OUT YOUR ENTIRE WARDROBE. |
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4. Look, it’s sisters Asia and India! China and Germany stayed home to water the plants and feed the dog. These two losers rapped about McDonalds. The skinnier one made it. The fatter one got sent home, probably to un-rap some McDonalds (har har). . AMERICAN IDOL ALREADY MET THEIR QUOTA OF ONE FAT IDOL (RUBEN STUDDARD) – SORRY, SKINNY BITCHES ONLY FROM NOW ON. |
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5. The award for the “Most Inbred Contestant Of The Night” went to Michael Nicewonder, a creepy guy who was straight out of Deliverance. He reminded us of a more mentally handicapped version of Randy Quaid in the movie Kingpin (send hate mail to staff@wehateidol.com). He sang a song he wrote for his mother, but even Paula said it sounded like something you’d sing to your girlfriend. Like he could get one. . GOOD LUCK GETTING YOUR RELATIVES IN THE SACK. YOUR HAIR IS JUST SAD. BUH BYE NOW. |
OTHER STUFF:
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I don’t know who she is, but I wouldn’t want to run into her in a dark alley. Wait, is that Large Marge the truck driver from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure? |
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Man, they’ll let anybody become a cheerleader these days. I lament the 80s, when being a cheerleader meant something. |
There you have it. The episode was HORRIBLY BORING. What did you guys think? Let us know your thoughts in the comments. We’ll see you next week.
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- Jan 17, 2009: Maggie’s Blog » Blog Archive » We Hate Idol » Blog Archive » American Idol Season 8 Episode Recap …
Has Kara disagreed with Paula ONCE since she got there? I don’t think so. She is so boring and vanilla and just blends into the background.
THIS SEASON IS A REAL BORE. No one where I work is even talking about it. That’s bad news for Idol.
Von Smith was cringe worthy to me. The fact they sent him through shows how desperate they are for talent so far.
I say that about the cheerleaders all the time! In 80s movies like revenge of the nerds, etc, cheerleaders were hot and popular and cool. Now anybody who can say “rah” is given a pair of pom poms. I don’t like it.
HOLY SHIT.
THIS. WAS. FUNNY.
I’ll be back next week. Hopefully things will pick up by then.
Jason Castro’s brother, bragging how he’s only been singing for 20 days? Yeah honey, it shows.
american idol gives me good reason to believe that other countries hate us because we watch and care about stupid shit like this show. this show is the dumbest piece of television I have ever seen. i am glad to see this site exists because i feel like everywhere i go people are kissing this show’s ass.
[...] YOU WON’T BE THE NEXT IDOL . SORRY. 2. Michael Castro, the smug, uglier brother of Season 7’s Jason Castro. He had a pink Flock Of Seagulls haircut and he couldn’t sing at all. But hey, this is American Idol . The judges put him through …[Continue Reading] [...]
kiss butt hes hot and he can sing amazingly. so suck ur moms tit bitches.
Hey- You should make a video of you expressing what you said in your blog. At IdolRevenge.com they award someone $100 everyday for Ranting about the show. Just thought it might help you out- It couldn’t hurt, right? :)