American Idol Episode Recap: Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Week (Season 7)

Another week, another episode of American Idol! This week, the final four contestants sang songs from artists that have been inducted into the Rock and Rock Hall of Fame. Ryan Seacrest let us know that there would only be 2 weeks left to go in the competition – and in unrelated news, that’s also how long it takes Paula Abdul to polish off a full 60-day supply of Vicodin.

First up this week was David Cook. David’s first song was Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran. In his pre-show interview, David said he could “feel the changes while he listened to the song.” Feel the changes? Like Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf? After seeing him this week, that’s not too far fetched. He’s got the beard part down, anyway. What’s next? An overwhelming need to play basketball and surf on top of moving cars?

David’s first song was HORRID. He was listless, boring, and his throat was all scratchy like he was Hungry for a Lozenge or something. David’s second song was Baba O’Riley by The Who, and it was almost as bad as the first. Who could listen to this performance without falling asleep? The only thing that kept me from slumber was the shiny tinsel embedded in his black blazer that flickered in the studio lights every two seconds. Please, somebody, anybody, sing something that doesn’t suck!

I think Syesha delivered. She sang Proud Mary by the iconic Tina Turner. Syesha said she was weary of singing this song, but after looking at herself in the mirror, she decided to “JUST DO IT.” She then strapped on her Air Jordan’s and unsuccessfully tried to slam-dunk Paula Abdul’s head through the basketball hoop outside the studio.

Cut to Syesha running all over the stage during her Proud Mary performance, bending up and down and sweating all over the place. I couldn’t tell if she was imitating Tina Turner, or trying out for the Police Academy. I thought this was a quest for the next American Idol – not the next American Aerobics Instructor. Randy said she was in the zone. Paula stood up and muttered something unimportant, and Simon said he didn’t have fun. Like that means anything. A fun night to Simon is curling up with a clingy v-neck sweater shirt and an Il Divo CD.

Syesha’s second performance of the night was A Change is Gonna Come by Sam Cooke. This time, Syesha took the stage in a bosom-revealing, gold gospel gown. Personally, I thought the performance was boring. Randy hated it too, and his commentary made her cry. (Sidebar: apparently, Syesha just pulls her hair

back and dips her face into a large metal vat of foundation before the show, because you could literally see the make-up melting off of her face. Her actual skin was 4 shades lighter. Who knew?!) Paula and Simon tried to save her by saying she was “brilliant and solid.” Yeah. So are my mom’s $4 cubic zirconium earrings, guys. Means nothing.

Next up, Jason Castro sang I Shot the Sheriff by Bob Marley. Yeah. Shocking, isn’t it. In life, a few things are always going to happen. The sun will rise, Jason Castro will sing Bob Marley whenever he can, and 60 year old retired factory workers are always going to win the huge Powerball jackpots.

Even though Jason’s performance was terribly painful, I am sure hippie sprites across America were dancing around their Jamaican-tapestried dorm rooms, basking in the aroma of Nag Champa as Jason butchered the song. The judges hated it, but not as much as his second performance… Mr. Tambourine Man by Bob Dylan.

This performance won tonight’s award for MOST AWFUL. While strumming his guitar, (which gently wept), Jason forgot the words to almost an entire VERSE. He just hummed along like an idiot. Simon said he will be history after that performance, and I agree. His ass better start packin’ his tight jeans and oversized clown shoes. Of course, Paula loved it and said, “Jason, you blew me away.” Oh give me a break. You’re a judge in a singing competition… not Dolly Parton’s weave in a category 3 hurricane off the coast of Guam.

Last up was David Archuleta. True to his boring, safe natured self, he sang: Stand By Me by Ben E. King. David said, “This is a something I sing to myself in my room…to a dog, or something.” Uh, keep it to yourself, David. I’ve seen American Pie. I don’t need to know what you’re doing in your room. With your “dog” or something.

While some might say David mastered the song, it’s crystal clear he hasn’t mastered the fine art of keeping one’s eyes open while singing. Sorry David, this was Rock and Roll week… not “just got back from cataract surgery” week. Simon said he felt David struggled, Paula said she didn’t make a connection, and Randy said Davd was “hot now” – which is making me want a Krispy Kreme donut reeeallly badly.

David’s second song was Love Me Tender by Elvis Presley. David changed the melody, making it even more boring than the original. The tabloids are already reporting that Elvis Presley loved the rendition, and sang along from a lawn chair in Northern Las Vegas. The judges also loved this song choice for Archuleta and felt he was the best performer of the night.

And there you have it! My picks for the bottom two: David Cook and Jason Castro, with Jason being the one to go. Stay tuned, we’ll bring you the results as soon as they go down!